Nicholas Cain Kirven
January 31, 1984 to May 8, 2005

We capture Nicholas’s life through photographs and videos, each having special memories of his events.  I remember them well.

 Nicholas was two years of age when he entered in to my life.  Or, as he looked at it, I was the new comer in to a family of three.  As a toddler, he bypassed the “terrible two’s” and was easy to fall in love with.  He captivated you with love, af fection and enthusiasm.

I recall speaking with my parents about how I fell in love with Beth and how she had two children. Their reaction and their cautioned advice was about having a ready-made family and the level of difficultly this would be for me. But it was Nicholas who worked the magic. He grabbed their hearts immediately. While my father was reading the paper or watching the news, Nicholas would run to my father and jump onto his lap. He would say, “Hello Papa Joe!” Happy to see him, anxious to greet him, curious to see what he was studying.  My dad would stop everything and say, “Hello Nicol, what have you learned today?”  Nicholas and my father developed a special bond, a closeness we observed in wonder and delight. Unspoken, Nicholas understood my father’s “intensities”.

With doubles of everything - 8 grandparents, 2 dads, 2 moms, when pushing his limits, he would receive a commanding “no” but would slowly work and breakdown each barrier through his love and tender affection to find his answer.
Nich hated to go to bed at nights. He couldn’t put down his books.  He also thought that he would miss something spec ial if he fell asleep.

Accordingly, he couldn’t wait to arise in the morning and would not allow you to wait for an alarm clock or wake up call. He would make sure you shared his enthusiasm.  After all, it was a new day!  He would often sneak into your room wearing some special prop, hat, costume, make-up, PJ’s on backwards or nothing on at all; whatever he could muster just to watch you open yours eyes. He would be inches from your face and would wait until he received the response he was anticipating. Then he would proceed to his morning cereal ritual.

 Nich, all through his life, was fearless in meeting a new day’s challenge.  

Nicholas could be your best friend, but if you were the opposition, your worst nightmare. In basketball and soccer, he played at a very high intensity.  A hundred and ten percent of his efforts were focused on “making sure you lost”.  This is a little different than focusing on winning.  I had difficulty understanding this concept and strategy.  But Nicholas figured if you could score, you could win. What a perceptive young person!  As his coach and father he showed me   unusual respect even through he knew the game and the objectives much better than I did.  When we were defeated, (not often) he would apologize to me! “Sorry Dad, I lost that one for you. I was off my game today. ” Again, I would be shocked as the defeats were mostly a result of my shortcomings or errors.

 Nich had an uncanny ability to absorb, digest and commit information to memory very quickly.   He had a great love for the educational process and its diversity. Over the last four years of formal education, he went to four different schools! He was too fast for our education process.   But like a computer chip, his mind improved and developed faster speeds each year.  He found his fascination and challenges in computers and digital music. He became a quick study.

Many things were just too slow for Nicholas. School, cars and some sports.

Nicholas was an organized person.  Everything had its place. He was a collecto r of trading cards and baseball cards, Christmas Villages, signature photographs, coins, stamps and “things”. He did not believe in clutter. He kept his room, mind and body (except for the “inkings”) clean.

Nicholas enjoyed being center stage, in schools, in sports and in the Marines.  He was given the nickname of “Lighting” on the soccer field.  He was in his element on the stage, and with a microphone in hand, “Look out!”  Even if he didn’t know the words of a song, he would make up something.  His laughter and humor was contagious. 

As a novice skier he found delight in a panic stop after skiing straight downhill taking out the entire lift line!  As a youngster in Vail, rather than staying behind the “slow adults and a comfortable controlled speed” he shot down the mountain as soon as he disembarked the lift.  Once to be lost in a total white out. To him there was not a reason for alarm; after all he was six now!

He challenged us on everything. Pushing us, he was very good at family reconnaissance, knowing instantly how to work the system.

I recall one retribution when he was suspended from school for a week in an April or May. I was going to teach him a lesson. A lesson on how the less educated make a living.  I placed him on a construction site as a common laborer.  Every morning at 7, I dropped him off at the jobsite.  Beth would pick him up at 4 PM.  Every day he worked along side the construction crews building homes.  He was paid $7/Hr.

It backfired.  He loved it.  He worked so well, the foreman d idn’t want him to go back to school and Nicholas didn’t want to go back to school.   He  now earned decent pocket money.

Good lesson planning!

I remember Parris Island, November, 2002 at his graduation from the grueling 13 weeks of basic training.  We sat in the grandstands on the parade grounds and watched 5000 “recruits” become Marines. We were awe struck by the precision, beauty and discipline of the process. Nicholas was in the front, leading the battalion. That was the 2^nd most dignified moment of his career we observed.

The first was the transfer at Dover, as the Marines sent him home last week. I then realized he was coming home as a great American hero, a fallen warrior, a Marine.

Nicholas loved the Corps and he would often say, “Please don’t worry about me.  We are well trained and we look after each other. And Momma, this is what I want to do!”

From what appears to be a short 16 years we lived together, the days become routine, the tasks demanding; work, school, responsibilities overwhelming.  We always made time for family “get- togethers” family dinners, family Sunday morning church and the breakfast afterwards.

Nicholas was instantly eager to volunteer for any family chore.  He was not afraid of hard work. Nicholas never failed to tell us how much he loved us. He was always able to show his affection, especially to his mother.

I have gone on long too far but wanted you to fully understand and appreciate this young man. He will be remembered as having the mind of a genius, a heart of gold, the strength of a giant, the personality of a Hollywood star and the courage of a man of steel.

He was not my blood but our relationship was much deeper.

This was a special young man, gifted and decorated.  My son, my hero, I love him deeply.

He truly believed in “Enduring Freedom” and his ability to serve and to protect us by putting his life on the line.

He would say, “Dad, if I fight this fight, others won’t have to! You, mom, Pride and Joseph will be safe.  I love my home, but a Marine’s home is where my country needs me the most.”