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Nicholas Cain Kirven
January 31, 1984 to May 8, 2005 We capture Nicholas’s life through photographs and videos each having special memories of his events. I remember each well.  Nicholas was two years of age when he entered into my life. Or as he looked at it, I was the new comer into a family of three. As a toddler, he bypassed the “terrible two’s” and was easy to fell in love with. He captivat ed you with love, affection and enthusiasm. I recall speaking with my parents about how I feel in love with Beth and how she had two children. Their reaction and their cautioned advice about having a ready-made family and the level of difficultly this would be for me. But it was Nicholas who worked the magic. He grabbed their hearts immediately. While my father was “reading the paper, watching the news” Nicholas would run to my father and jump onto his lap. He would say, hello Papa Joe happy to see him, anxious to greet him, curious to  see what he was studying. My dad would stop everything and say, “ h e l l o Nicol, what have you learned today.” Nicholas and my father developed a special bond, a closeness we observed in wonder and delight. Unspoken, Nicholas understood my father’s “intensities”.  With doubles of everything - 8 grandparents, 2 dads, 2 moms, when pushing his limits, he would receive a “commanding no” but slowly he would work and breakdown each barrier through his love and tender affection to find his answer.
Nich hated to go to bed at nights. He couldn’t put down his books. He also thought that he would miss something special if he fell asleep. Accordingly, he couldn’t wait to arise in the morning and would not allow you to wait for an alarm clock or wake up call. He would make sure you shared his enthusiasm. After all, it was a new day! He would often sneak into your room wearing some special prop, hat, costume, make-up, pj’s on backwards or had nothing on at all, or what ever he could muster just to watch you open yours eyes he would be inches from your face. He would wait until he received response he was anticipating. Then he would proceed to the morning cereal ritual. Nich all through his life he was fearless in meeting a new day’s challenge. Nich olas could be your best friend but if you were the opposition, your worst nightmare. In basketball and soccer, he played at a very high intensity. A hundred and ten percent of his efforts were focused on “making sure you lost”. This is a little different than focusing on winning. I had difficulty understanding t his concept and strategy. But Nicholas figured if you could score, you could win. What a perceptive young person! As his coach and father he showed me an unusual respect even through he knew the game and the objectives much better than me. When we would get defeated, (not often) he would apologize to me! “Sorry Dad, I lost that one for you. I was off my game today. ” Again, I would be shocked as the defeats were mostly result of my shortcomings or errors. Nich  had an uncanny ability to absorb and digest and commit to memory information very quickly. He had a great love on the educational process and its diversity. His last six years of formal education, he went to six different schools. He was too fast for our education process. But like a computer chip his mind improved and developed faster speeds each year. He found his fascination and challenges in computers and digital music. He became a quick study. Many things were just too slow for Nicholas. School, cars and some sports. Nicholas was an organized person. Everything had its place. He was a collector. From trading cards and baseball cards, to Christmas Villages, signature photographs coins, stamps and “things”. He did not believe in clutter. He kept his room, mind, bo dy (except for the inkings) clean. Nicholas enjoyed being the center stage, in schools, in sports and in the Marines. “Lighting” on the field, light hearted on the stage, and with a microphone, “look out”. Even if he didn’t know the words, his laughter and humor was contagious. As a novice skier he would find delight in a panic stop after skiing straight downhill in a parallel shuus only to take out the entire lift line! As a youngster in Vail rather than staying behind the “slow adults and a comfortable controlled speeds” he would shoot down the mountain as soon as he disembarked the lift. Only once to be lost in a total white out. To him there was not a reason for alarm after all he was six, now. He challenged us, on everything. Pushed us, he was very good at family reconnaissance and knew instantly how to work the system. I recall one retribution: As he was suspended from school for a week in an April or May. I was going to teach him a lesson. A lesson on how the less educated make a living. I placed him on a construction site as a common laborer. Every morning at 7, I dropped him off at the jobsite. Beth would pick him up a 4 PM. Every day he worked along side the construction crews building homes. He was paid $7/Hr. It backfired. He loved it. He worked so well, the foreman didn’t want him to go back to school and Nicholas didn’t want to go back to school. He now earned decent pocket money. Good lesson planning ! I remember Parris Island the November at his graduation from the grueli ng weeks of basic training. We sat in the grandstands on the parade grounds and watched 5000 “recruits” become Marines. We were awe struck by the precision, beauty, discipline of the process. Nicholas was in the front, leading the battalion. That was the 2nd most dignified moment of his career we observed. The first was the transfer of him at Dover, as the Marines sent him home last week. I then realized he was coming home as a great American hero, a fallen warrior, a Marine. Nicholas loved the Corps and he would often say, “please don’t worry about me, “we are well trained and we look after each other, “and Momma, this is what I want to doing!” From what appears to be a short 16 years we lived together, the days became routine, the tasks demanding, work, school, responsibilities overwhelming. We always made time for family get-to-gathers, family dinners, family Sunday morning church and the ensuring breakfast afterwards. Nicholas was instantly eager to volunteer for any family chore. Nicholas never failed to tell us how much he loved us. He was always able to show his affection especially to his mother. I have gone on long too far but wanted you to fully understand and appreciate this young man. He will be remembered as having a mind of a genius, heart of gold, the strength of a giant, the personality of a Hollywood star and the courage of a man of steel. He was not my blood as our relationship was much deeper. This was a special young man, gifted and decorated. My son, my hero, I love him deeply. He truly believed in Enduring Freedom and his ability to serve and to protect us by putting his life on the line. He would say Dad, “if I fight this fight, other won’t have to! “You, mom, Pride and Joseph will be safe.” “I love my home, but a Marine’s home is where my country needs me the most”
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